My Notes From My Sermon on Purity

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


Ephesians 5: 3-16

But among you there MUST NOT be even a HINT of sexual immorality or of ANY kind of impurity…because these are IMPROPER for God’s holy people. Nor should there be any obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, WHICH IS OUT OF PLACE. But rather thanksgiving. For of this you can BE SURE: No immoral, impure or greedy person has ANY inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.  LET NO ONE DECEIVE YOU with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient.  Therefore DO NOT be partners with them.  (Don’t date them.)

Live as children of the LIGHT. For the fruit of the light consist of goodness, righteousness and truth.)
Have NOTHING to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather EXPOSE THEM.  (You know of some guy who is going to use girls.  God’s word gives you permission to EXPOSE THEM.)
Be VERY CAREFUL then, how you live – not as unwise (brute beasts) but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

Strategies for reaching your goal of purity:

In order to reach a goal you must devise a strategy.  I am a runner and three years ago I set the goal of running Red Top Mountain (a 5.5-mile course) in under 50 minutes.  If I set that goal then proceeded to sit on the couch and eat popcorn, what do you think the chance would be for me to reach my goal?  I would never reach my goal.  What do you have to do to reach a goal?  You have to devise a strategy, which is smaller pieces that will enable you to get to the bigger goal.  When I set the goal of running Red Top in 50 minutes I was still just walking Red Top Mountain.  Then I started running just the down hills, then I ran the flats, then eventually I was able to run the up hills.  The next step was to improve on the whole course until my speed was up to where I needed it to be to reach my goal.
Staying Pure is much like running Red Top.  If your goal is to remain pure then you need a strategy or smaller pieces that will enable you to reach that goal.  Here is a strategy that I gave to my own children to help them reach their goal of Purity.
Important note:
This strategy is ONLY to be implemented once you are established enough to actually be looking for a mate.  Meaning you have graduated from high school and or college.  You are physically able to support a wife, established in a career.
Stages of Intimacy:  In order for something to be bonded together it takes TIME for the “setting” of a relationship.  The glue that holds a relationship together is communication.  As soon as the physical aspect enters the relationship the communication level will go down greatly.  It’s easy to become physical; it takes more thought and energy to focus on communication.
  1. Eye to Body: The first time you notice someone.
  2. Eye-to-Eye: The first time you look directly at each other.  This is when you are checking each other out and exchanging flirtatious smiles.
  3. Voice-to-Voice:  The first conversation between the romantic partners.  This is where a relationship should stay until you have reached your primary goals that I have listed in the above paragraph. (Only talk for six Months)
  4. Hand to hand: This can be a very exciting stage. It indicates that the relationship is progressing. (After you have completed the six months of talking you can hold hands for the next six months.  Now your relationship has reached the one-year anniversary.)
  5. Hand to Shoulder: This stage reflects sort of a buddy type of relationship.  (After a year you move to six months of hand to shoulder.  Now you are a year and a half into the relationship and still there has been no kiss. If you find after this period of time that this person is not the person God has chosen for you, you can walk away with your soul intact.)
  6. Hand to Waist: This position is clearly romantic.  Casual friends DO NOT stand like that. (Okay, you decide to move forward with the relationship.  You are a year and a half into the relationship and you move to hand to waist. ( Two year anniversary at the completion of this stage.)
  7. Hand to Head: This stage is clearly a reflection of sexual desire and romantic desire.  If a couple has not rushed through the other stages.  (For the next six month time period.  Now upon the completion of this stage you have completed two and a half years.)
  8. Kissing: Friendly peck on the cheek. French kissing should be reserved for the wedding day when the pastor says, “You may kiss the bride.”  Touching a person’s hair, nuzzling face to face. (By now you have pretty much decided that this is God’s chosen mate for you.  After three years of dating you get your first kiss.)
Note: You can change the time frame from six month intervals to three-month intervals depending on the age of the person who is dating.    But I do think you can date for a year and know whether or not you want to get married, if you are out of high school and established in your career.
Benefits of implementing this plan in your life:
  1. You’ll notice that by using this plan you are three years into the relationship before the first kiss.  After that long you probably will know whether this is the person God has chosen for you.
  2. You are able to get out of the relationship with your soul still in tact.
  3. Chances are if you make your strategy clear to those who approach you, you will most likely attract those that share your common goal of wanting to remain pure before marriage.
  4. You eliminate those that want to use you and just have “fun” with your heart.  If that person knows from the start of the relationship that these are your standards and he/she is just in it for the fun, they will look elsewhere.
Pitfalls of this strategy:
  1. Be prepared to defend your stance.  Don’t think that just because you set this standard that everyone will automatically accept it.  Expect your standards to be challenged.  Men are wired to like a challenge.  So if you say no holding hands until a year has passed, then three months into the relationship he holds your hand, you must be prepared with a plan to reinforce your strategy when your standards are violated.  Forgiveness is automatic, but trust has to be re-earnedIf the guy respects you and your standards he will gladly comply with your wishes. So what do you do when your standards are violated?  Agree ahead of time. I encourage you to establish that same standard in your dating relationship BEFORE the incident occurs.  Tell the other person, “If you violate my standard ALL COMMUNICATION will be cut off for one month.”
I realize that these are very high goals and only the top-notch teens will be able to reach them.
I did reach my goal of running Red Top under 50 minutes.  But what did I accomplish?  Yes, I reached my goal, but that was about all.

If you decide to adapt this plan and use this strategy as your own, the reward will be phenomenal.  Your reward will be a lifetime of intimacy with your spouse.

Part 2

Revealing Satan’s strategies to get you to throw away your innocence!:
One of the main tools Satan uses to cause teens to stumble is movies.  The message in the movies is THROW AWAY YOUR INNOCENCE.  Hollywood wants you to believe that innocence is worthless, but the opposite is true. What is it that makes something valuable? Why is the diamond ring on my hand so valuable?  The reason a diamond is valuable is because it is rare.  It is very rare to find someone who has guarded their innocence these days, which makes that person very valuable.  In God’s economy your innocence is priceless.  Do not allow your mind to be exposed to what people in the world do.  The Bible challenges us not to even talk about what the heathen do in secret (Ephesians 5:12). Yet you are willing to expose yourself to watch what the heathen do on the big screen, bigger than life at the theater.  One of the main reasons I am a very light-hearted, care-free, JOY filled person is due to the fact that I have been very vigilant about guarding my innocence.  I will not allow this world system to steal my innocence from me.  They will not drag my mind through the mud.  Tim has always said to me, “You are so naive.”  I view that as a compliment.  You don’t have to put your hand in the fire to know that you will get burned.  I believe the Bible when it says, “Can a man scoop fire into his lap and not get burned?”  Obviously not.
Satan’s second strategy:

Pornography: “YOU HAVE A CHOICE!”

“Slave to Depravity” OR “A Destiny with Dignity”
The sin of pornography will steal your innocence faster than anything else.  It robs you of your dignity and degrades you to the point of a dog in heat.  Pornography sears your brain like a brand.  Because God created us as sexual beings our brains don’t function the same in the area of pornography. Because you can’t erase a sear on your brain.  Because once something is seared it is permanent.  With each exposure to a pornographic image, your brain has less innocence and less capacity for the ability to dream and imagine; or wonder, or the freedom to read a good story and enjoy the beauty of the story; or the ability to look at someone of the opposite sex without thinking lustful thoughts. Sin always entraps. Sin always leads to bondage.
“Sin will take you farther than you want to go. Sin will keep you longer than you want to stay. Sin will cost you much more than you want to pay.”
This passage describes someone who is in bondage to pornography:
2 Peter 2: 10-19: This is especially true of those who follow the corrupt desire of the sinful nature and despise authority.  They are bold and arrogant men…
Verse 12: “But these men blaspheme in things they don’t understand.  THEY ARE LIKE BRUTE BEASTS (In every sexual abuse you will ALWAYS find pornography), creatures of instinct, (reduced to that of a dog in heat) born only to be caught and destroyed, and like beasts they too will perish.”
Verse 13:  “They will be paid back WITH HARM for what they have done.  Their idea of pleasure is to carouse in broad daylight.  They are blots and blemishes, revelling in their pleasures while they feast with you. With eyes full of adultery they will never stop sinning; they seduce the unstable; they are experts in greed-an accused brood!  They have left the straight way and wandered off to follow the way of Balaam, who love the WAGES OF WICKEDNESS (what is the wages of wickedness?) He was rebuked for his wrongdoing…and restrained the prophet’s madness.”  (Madness is a thought-life that is out of control.  It is obsessive thinking.)
Verse 17:  “These men are springs without water and mists driven by a storm.  BLACKEST DARKNESS is reserved for them.”
Verse 18:  “For they mouth empty, boastful words and, by appealing to the lustful desires of sinful human nature, they entice people who are just escaping from those who live in error.”
Verse 19:  THEY PROMISE FREEDOM, WHILE THEY THEMSELVES ARE SLAVES OF DEPRAVITY- FOR A MAN IS A SLAVE TO WHATEVER HAS MASTERED HIM.”  (Has anyone ever told you, “Pornography is fun, you should try it?”  Or worse yet, “Here, let me show you how you can access this on your computer?)  They promise freedom, yet they are slaves.
“Slave to Depravity” OR “A Destiny with Dignity”
If you choose to live for sexual pleasure then you will become a brute beast; you will become an animal.  They are equivalent to a dog in heat. If you play with sexual pleasures THEY WILL OWN YOU!!  Sin starts with a little bit of effort and great reward, but once you let that monster into your life the THIRST GROWS!!! The more you thirst for it THE SMALLER THE REWARD until you become a burned out stub of a candlewick.


Freedom has its price tag.  Just as soldiers have laid down their lives so that we in America can live in freedom, you too will have to fight with vengeance in order to keep your mind free from the sin of pornography.  Do you have what it takes to swim upstream?  How tough are you really?  What is your strength of character?  Character is doing the right thing when only God is watching, when you could “get away” with doing the wrong thing, but you still choose to do the right thing.  That determines your strength of character.


About Professional Parenting

Wife, mother, motivational speaker, author, counselor and teacher. I have 3 adult children and a husband of 27 years. For the past 13 years I have served the youth and their parents at Liberty Church in Marietta Georgia. I loved everything about being a mom: I loved the terrible twos, and the terrifying teens, and the cake in my hair, and the spilled punch. I loved the chaos, the noise, the craziness of tons of kids. It was everything I wanted in my life. I loved that constant overwhelming feeling of someone being completely dependent on me as well as that joyful, aweful feeling of watching that same someone just 18 years later leave me and go off in the world on their own. Interests: * Christian * wife * mom * child training * pre-teens * teenagers * youth group * young girls * young women * seasoned sisters Favorite Books: * "Praying for Your Adult Children" By: Stormie Omartian * "Life on the Edge" By Dr. Dobson (Note: This was required reading for my kids when they turned 13.)
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