Wednesday, September 15, 2010
How courtship benefits everyone involved:
4. When the couple is emotionally ready for marriage.
5. When the couple is financially ready for marriage.
You guys are the biggest WINNERS when it comes to Courting. One of the biggest pressures that a guy faces is he has to come up with the dates. At first it’s kind of fun, but after a while it turns into a lot of pressure to always have to come up with what you are going to do. Then it turns into a conversation that goes something like this: Guy to girl: “What do you want to do?” Girl to Guy:” I don’t know, what do you want to do…..?” You get the idea.
Because men are like waffles and women are like spaghetti, everything a woman does in her dating life comes back to her in her marriage. If she is used by a guy and rejected she will associate rejection, guilt, fear, loneliness and shame with the act of sex. Those feelings do not suddenly go away just because she is married, in fact they increase. So instead of feeling uninhibited when she takes her clothes off in front of her husband, she will feel like hiding because she feels shameful. Instead of enthusiastically wanting to make love to her husband, she will view it as a duty to get through instead of a pleasure of life to enjoy. Once again, the sins of her youth have robbed both her and her husband of God’s greatest treasure: a great sex life. When you court instead of date, the temptations of falling in the area of sexual promiscuity go way down. I am very blessed. I have a wonderful husband, three sweet kids, a son – in – love and a soon to be daughter – in love. On July 23, 2011 as I sit and watch TJ and Ariel commit their love to each other, I’m sure the previous months of courtship will roll before me like a newsreel running in my mind. Flowers on Valentine’s Day, all the numerous Shenanigans. I didn’t hear an audible voice from heaven saying, “This is the wife I have chosen for your son TJ.”, but rather a slow awareness washed over me until I realized I had a lot to be thankful for. It’s probably good that when we begin a relationship, we never know where it will lead. If we knew that we would face pain and challenges and we would probably hesitate! And in doing so, we’d probably miss out on some of the greatest joys in our lives. While no relationship is a guaranteed pain-free future, love is worth it. I can’t say that I have fully arrived; I am still adjusting to my new role of being a mother to adult children. In the back of my mind I explore many hidden worries. At times insecurity plagues me as I wonder how ready they are to share their lives together. I have learned to let go of control. I love my kids enough to give them back to God. I trust their ability to make wise decisions and I trust God enough to take care of them. I am no longer in bondage of fear. I am free to love them both. I need not be the only object of my children’s affection. My heart has grown to love each of my children’s spouses and hopefully their hearts have expanded to love me. As we step out and trust God and one another, we can swim in the cool waters of love, enjoying the refreshment and pure fun.